Today was just another normal day..just that i was feeling pretty lethargic. Went to work. Than went for rehearsals at SDT. Now..the funny thing is..usually when I know I'm at a losing end..I'll tend to stand up against it..but I realise..whenever it come to dance..i always keep it to myself..i wont say it out..i wont even show it..but than..the emotions built up within me tends to get directed to other things around me. I guess I always felt that the people who dance are always of a higher calibre compared the usual company i'm always around..I tend to respect those who does dance more than those who doesn't..not that there is nothing worthy about those around me who doesn't do dance..of course everyone has their own good points worthy of my respect..but for those who dance..they tend to have a better lifestyle?..or rather they are more..realistic?..i dunno..thats what I think..but of course there are those out there who doesn't dance but instead has a higher sense of what they want in life. Anyways..back to my rehearsal problem..I'm a understudy of someone who isn't better than me..or atleast i think so..its just that i cant see what is it bout him that entitles him to be the first cast and me the second cast..there's a few times where i actually wanted to stand up for myself and wanted to clarify the problem..but the subconscience in me stop me from doing that..instead..it tells me to wait and watch how the situation goes..maybe he is really better than me?..or maybe its just still not my time to show what i'm capable of doing..of course to say the truth..i do not think that i'm good enough to go ahead and clarify things..but i feel like i'm being make use of..i dunno..i'm trying to change this habit of mine..assuming stuffs..but i just want to know why I'm the second cast..sometimes i think i tend to stand up for myself at the wrong times..there has been many times in my life that things goes the wrong way round..or rather not as i expected...not really wrong..but i'm trying to keep a positive mind these days..always try to think on the bright side..although there are somethings that just doesn't have a brighter side to look at.


And than..After rehearsals..i went back to the office that i'm working currently as a telemarketer..the pay sucks..but i thought atleast its still a pay that i'm getting rather than staying at home and rotting..and also because my friend asked if i wanted to work this job..so i decided to join him..but we are stopping this thurs..as he is starting school at poly soon..mine starts in july though..i'm attending NAFA dance course..so i guess i would look for some other job..anyways..my friend did the most idiotic thing on earth..or rather i think so..he told me to take up a quiz in facebook..and the results was devastating to me...and he was so happy to see my results..damm..i dun really hold any grudge against him for using the quiz to make fun of me..but than the results actually kind of affected my confidence..considering the fact that i didn't have much to start with..and also i feel weird that whatever I'm writing here would be seen by anyone who happens to pass by..but i'm still gonna give it a try..anyways..life is indeed too short to think about the the consequences..if whatever you do you think of the consequences first..than the word 'life' could have been describe as 'routine' or 'planned'..right?..there wont be any fun in life anymore aye? Although there are some scenarios where you have to have it planned and think of the consequences first..but other than things that have an impact on your life and death issue..i'm sure other for other things..its still better to do things as your heart wishes but not in a reckless way?..but no crimes or whatsoever should be involved alright..So please dun go blaming on me..hahs..hmms..after writing so many things..I really do feel calmer and feel less agitated already..i guess this might be really a good way for me to learn to control my temper and not bottle things up in myself..I guess this is a good way of speaking up..hahs..anyways..i dun really expect much if i really do clarify things..so maybe in this way..i can speak up and no second party would get involved despite the fact that i'm speaking up bout certain things..unless there is really such a coincidence that the people involved in what i'm writing about really happens to stumble on this particular blog of mine..lol..i hope not though..hmms..anyways..i'll stop here for now..